I stumbled upon this quote today and I think I may just frame it. Being someone with a history of an #eatingdisorder {ED} and fighting to choose #recovery every single day, this quote means everything. When you're sick with an #ED, there is no freedom, you don't have control of your own body, the ED dictates what you can eat and when and if you slip up and "cheat" then you have to pay for it at the gym the next day and in my case, with #anorexia in the past, through restricting. It's a vicious cycle of self-hate and fighting to simply see that number on the scale that you're striving for. But guess what? Years ago, even when I saw that number that I wanted to achieve so badly pop up on the scale, my ED told me I had to lose more and I needed to fight harder, and where did that number on the scale eventually lead me? To rehab. By the grace of my incredible Lord and Savior, I have been symptom free since I left rehab in 2010 but that doesn't mean I don't have to fight the force of my past every single day. I don't think like an"normal" person, my thought process when it comes to food, exercise and health is often distorted and excessive but one thing I've learned over my years of recovery is that chasing the number on the scale only made me miss out on so many amazing things in life and so many experiences. Don't make the same mistake I did, take time to ENJOY life and food for that matter. It's far too short to miss out on because of a silly number. I now believe in living a truly #healthy life and sharing new experiences with my friends and family....I don't want to miss out more than I already have. Thanks for reading this rather lengthy post, I only share this because I hope and pray that if you're struggling with an eating disorder today, you find the hope and freedom that I have. 

XoXo-Bre

5 Ways to Show Your Support for National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2016

Love this article put out by The Mighty highlighting the top 5 ways YOU can get involved in Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2016! Check it out below and get involved:

It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, which means it’s time to speak up. Speak up to prevent eating disorders. Speak up for people who are currently struggling with eating disorders. And more importantly, listen: Listen to the stories of people who live with eating disorders, and encourage those who need that extra push to seek the help they deserve. Talking about eating disorders, not just this week but every week, could encourage people to seek help sooner, and literally save lives.

Here are some ways to get involved:

1. Get screened or encourage a loved one to get screened. 

It takes only three minutes to complete the confidential online screening for eating disorders, which helps determine if it’s time to seek professional help. Getting screened is important because early intervention matters. According to the National Eating Disorder Association, intervening during the early stages of an eating disorder can significantly increase the likelihood of preventing the onset of a full-blown eating disorder. If you’re worried about a loved one or yourself, take three minutes. It’s worth it.

2. Challenge the “thin ideal.”

Most people — eating disorder or not — have been taught to believe thin equals good. According to a 2010 poll, almost nine in 10 American teenage girls say they feel pressured by the fashion and media industries to be skinny. The National Eating Disorder Association suggests to help combat the “thin ideal,” challenge the false belief that thinness, weight loss and/or muscularity are desirable, while body fat and weight gain are shameful or indicate laziness or worthlessness. Be critical of the media you consume, and don’t judge others based on their body weight.

3. Watch your language.

Pay attention to how you talk about your own weight or about the weight of others. What may seem like a passing comment (“I feel so fat today!” “I would die to be that skinny.”) can be triggering for someone living with an eating disorder. Educate yourself about healthy ways to talk about eating and food — even if you don’t have an eating disorder, you’ll benefit from a viewpoint about food that isn’t shaped by the “thin ideal.”

4. Follow inspiring recovery stories with #RecoveryIs and #WhatMakesMeBeautiful.

Project HEAL is using the hashtag #RecoveryIs to spread awareness about eating disorder recovery. The pictures from this campaign prove recovery is possible, and send messages of hope to anyone who isn’t quite there yet. #WhatMakesMeBeautiful is spreading body positivity, celebrating what truly makes people beautiful.

5. Talk about eating disorders — and push for action.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is about spreading stories, but also about educating others about what the eating disorder community needs. The scary reality is that only one in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment, and for those who do get treatment, it can be difficult to get insurance coverage. The National Eating Disorders Coalition found in a survey of 109 eating disorder specialists around the country, nearly all believed their patients with anorexia are put in life threatening situations because of early discharge due to lack of coverage. If you don’t see the seriousness in that, consider this: Anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder.
Men are also often left out of the eating disorders conversation. According to the National Eating Disorder Association’s website, eating disorders “have been characterized as ‘women’s problems’ and men have been stigmatized from coming forward.” Minorities and adults also are hurt from the stereotype that eating disorders only affect young, white women.
Conversation is just the beginning. For more information about National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, visit NEDA Awareness. To help make eating disorders a public health priority in the United States, visit the Eating Disorders Coalition and get involved.

I read the below blog post this morning and couldn't help but share. The words this young lady writes are the same words that have been racing through my head for the past few days as I see weight loss resolutions everywhere I turn. I hope this encourages you as much as it did me. 

I'm a firm believer in creating New Year's resolutions and especially in writing them down, because my type A personality likes to write everything down and I feel it holds more weight and becomes more of an achievable goal. However, when it comes to body image and individuals like me who are recovering from an eating disorder past, sometimes we just need to remember that we're beautiful just the way we are, no resolutions necessary. Stay strong, my friends. Xoxo.-Bre

Resolutions To Stay The Same

Can you make a change by resolving to stay the same?

In the case of New Year’s resolutions, I believe you can.

One can hardly hear the phrase “New Year’s resolution” without immediately calling to mind body image. January issues of magazines blare their neon headlines all about the weight you can lose this year, the people who have done it, and how you can do it to. Blog posts about how to stick to your diet this year crop up like swarm of locusts, invading every newsfeed.

The time reserved for evaluating the kind of person we would like to be in the upcoming year has become distinctly body-specific.

Which is why I am resolving to stay the same. I know that sounds rather counter intuitive within the context of a movement in which change is the banner idea, but in the face of a world that is happy to convince you that you are not enough, it’s brave to say that you like exactly who you already are.
I am not faultless or without bad habits. There are other kinds of non-body-centric resolutions I could make that might improve me as a person, but not this year. This is the year for declaring that I am awesome without a single ounce of ego involved.

Why? Because I spent a lot of time in the past undermining myself. I spent so much time criticizing my body and saying terrible things to it that I began to believe that my appearance said more about me than my words or actions ever would.

And I wasn’t raised that way. I’m proud and thankful to be one of the girls in America who was raised by parents who put value in my intellect and my kindness over beauty. The books I read, the classes I took, the volunteering I did, and the opinions and values that grew from those experiences were what my parents took stock in when evaluating who they were helping their child to become.

I let the voices of the world drown all that out. I gobbled up magazines that promised happiness in being smaller and chewed through books by famous people who spoke more about their diets than their passions.

I want more of us to make resolutions that speak to the core of what truly fulfills us as human beings.
I detail my exact resolutions in my New Year’s Resolutions post on my blog The Joyful Pen.

But the takeaway I wish you to carry off into the blank page of a new year, is that it’s okay to say that who you are, and where you are in your life right now, is more than enough.

It’s okay to believe that you are awesome just as you are, no additional changes required.

Casey Rose Frank is a blogger, fiction writer, and contributing writer to the Syracuse Post Standard. She has experienced great personal change through the Circles of Change community. She believes in the importance of adventures, both great and small.

5 Years

I know I haven’t written in almost a year but I felt inspired today. I pulled up my TimeHop on my phone this morning expecting to find some silly old picture with friends but instead, the post stopped me in my tracks. Five years ago tomorrow, I graduated from the outpatient rehab program where I was being treated for anorexia. The post I wrote on that day read, “Last Day” which is ironic because in reality it was the first day of the beginning of getting back to the real Bre.

Honestly, when I think back to that time in my life, everything is a blur. All of my memories at rehab have a haze over them and in some ways I think that's a good thing. But there are some things I remember vividly, like the smell of Progresso soup when I walked in each day, knitting needles to try and cope, the clock above the kitchen table that timed my meals, the whiteboard on the back wall filled with all of our feelings from that day, the ever evolving faces that sat around the circle with me, the hard backed chairs, but most of all, I remember the fight. 

While I was there, I was literally fighting for my own life, my eating disorder had such power over me at that point that the next step was hospitalization. The disease dictated every aspect of my life from the relationships I had to the calories I ate and I was absolutely miserable. Every single day at rehab I fought to re-discover the real Bre and regain even just an ounce of control I once had over my own body and mind. I’m not going to lie—it was a living hell. One of the hardest parts was trying to regain control and gain the assertive confidence I needed to get better while gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time. It’s a lot to deal with mentally, emotionally and physically. I remember being completely exhausted when I got home at night and waking up the next morning, putting the boxing gloves back on and doing it all over again. 

While this was the hardest time in my life, it was also a season of incredible growth, personally, spiritually and in my relationships with others. First and foremost, I am forever thankful for my relationship with the Lord because without Him as my rock and strength each day, I could not have done it. I am also eternally grateful for my incredible family, friends, and treatment team that surrounded me and walked through the valley right alongside me. They didn’t give up on me during my worst days and they celebrated even the smallest victories with me. It’s amazing how crucial having a support team is when you’re fighting the battle but at the end of the day, it’s you that has to choose life. Not a single person can do it for you.

I am so thankful that I chose to admit myself into rehab and essentially, chose life. I praise God for bringing me out of that storm a stronger person and for allowing my time in treatment to launch me into a fresh start as the real me. With that being said, many people believe that after a quick rehab stunt, you are essentially healed from your eating disorder. I disagree. Why is the fight the one thing I remember so vividly from that season in my life? Because for me, the fight has never ended. I still face the struggle every single day and every single day I have a choice to make—either to give in to the eating disorder and begin a devastating spiral or stand strong against the lies. While I still face that fight, I can say that by God’s grace I am now in control of my body and the fight is different in the sense that I know how to combat the lies that are thrown at me. I’ve definitely grown in strength over the years but there are those days where I do get mentally defeated by the eating disorder. However, when I wake up the next morning, I face the day with a fresh slate and pray harder than ever that I can overcome this fight, even just for that day.

Today, as I celebrate the incredible journey of recovery that the Lord continues to carry me through, I am humbled that my God loves me so much that He intervened to save my life. This has happened to me for a reason and I refuse to be silent about it because I am determined to use this hardship for the good and to be the voice that is so desperately needed concerning this issue. I want my story to inspire others with hope and I most of all want them to know that they are loved, unconditionally by their Creator and that they have been made with a purpose. Five years down of fighting this disease and by the grace of God, I pray many more to come. One day at a time.

Tips to Overcome Holiday Stresses that Accompany Eating Disorders

While the holiday season for so many is filled with delicious food, warmth of home and the joy and laughter of time with family, those struggling with eating disorders often face extreme anxiety around this time of year. Thanksgiving is an especially difficult holiday for those trying to drown out the voice of their eating disorder because the entire day is focused around their eating disorder's biggest enemy: food. This is a golden opportunity for the eating disorder to plant seeds of discontent and worry over the high-fat foods and the mass amounts of calories about to be consumed. And then there's always the issue of what will my family think of me? I know that coming from an Italian family, if you're not eating everything on your plate, grandma isn't going to be happy, and the idea of not going up for seconds....that's inexcusable! So, what do you do if you have an eating disorder and your family doesn't know and is pressuring you as you sit there feeling overwhelmed and sick to your stomach? What if your family does know about your eating disorder but thinks the more food they force you to eat, the faster you can overcome your eating disorder? These are valid questions and thankfully the National Eating Disorder Association issued a publication this week with some holiday coping tips that address questions such as these.Despite being symptom free for about 4 years now, the forces of my past eating disorder often continue to rear their ugly head, as they do for many in recovery, and it's usually around times like the holidays. However, I am committed to staying symptom free for another 4 years and beyond and I know I can't do it alone, so during this time I press into my support group more than ever and remember who I am apart from that number on the scale because above all, I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my creator.

Check out this link for the holiday coping tips I mentioned on pages 4-5 of the publication: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/MakingConnections/volume7issue4/index.html

Praying that you enjoy a blessed, stress-free, and joyous Thanksgiving with loved ones!
xoxo-
Bre

What Can I Do to Help Them?

It has been a while since I have written but tonight I made it a point to turn off the TV and distractions and sit down snuggled with my blanket and pumpkin spice candle and write about a topic that has been heavy on my heart for some time now. 

So many of us have been there...that day when you realize someone close to you is sick with an eating disorder. Maybe you've noticed drastic weight loss or a change in personality, maybe they've become withdrawn and depressed or maybe you notice they avoid food at all costs. No matter what the situation, we're left with the burning question of, "What Can I Do to Help Them?" This is a question I have gotten a lot from many of my friends and when asked this question once again last month, I came to the realization that no matter how I tried to craft a response, the truth is, I'm not really sure what to tell them. You see, when I accepted the fact that I had an eating disorder, I went to my family therapist and family members and actively sought out help and therefore, I wasn't really sure how to respond to the burning question mentioned above. So, in search of answers, I reached out to my faithful doctor and asked for some wisdom. I want to share his response with you because I know it helped me to  grasp a better understanding of what I can do to help my friends who are hurting. 

1.)  Do not approach someone with an eating disorder with anger.  When you approach him/her with anger, the person immediately closes down and feels like you're rejecting them and/or putting them down. The eating disorder does enough of this, they need encouragement most of all. 

2.) Approach the person with the goal not to change him/her—but instead, let him/her know that you care about them, and that you have noticed a change in them. Be very concrete on what you've noticed (ie: getting thinner, not going out with friends to eat, excessive exercise,etc.). Do not approach them with the phrase, “I think you have an eating disorder”. Making such assumptions will only cause one to become defensive- especially because at this point, he/she will do whatever it takes to defend their eating disorder behaviors, even if they won't admit that they are sick. 

3.) Expect an angry response.  This is where unconditional love comes into play. The individual's angry response is due to the distortion that the eating disorder has created in his/her brain. The eating disorder causes the individual to respond defensively and to push you away in an effort to continue to control his/her thinking and actions.  The best thing you can do is show that their response does not make you care any less about him/her. Your persistence means the world to them deep down. 

4.) Do 90% more listening than talking.  A lot of times, someone wants a listening ear and compassion more than anything. Your actions should be non-judgmental, warm, empathetic, loving, caring, and accepting-like Jesus :)Don't give up, you're making a difference just by showing that you care. 

I have been in a place before when my eating disorder consumed me and controlled my every thought and action, and in the midst of that hell, it was the people around me that never gave up on me, and never stopped loving me that pushed me more passionately toward recovery. 

Please don't give up. 

Love, 
Bre 

Great National Eating Disorder Awareness Week Post

I wanted to share this article with you that I read from the Huffington Post today. I hope it encourages and inspires you! xoxo

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kirsten-haglund/national-eating-disorders-awareness-week_b_4782650.html

 

"I Had No Idea" is the theme of the 27th annual National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, which is Feb. 23 -- March 1. Ask anyone. Most people suffering from eating disorders are young, wealthy, Caucasian women. And you can't be too rich or too thin, right? Wrong.
We expect to see eating disorders diagnosed among young girls and raging rampant in Hollywood and the advertising and fashion industries. As 2008's reigning Miss America, I am the stereotype. I did battle anorexia and, today, am thankful to be fully recovered.
But America is a melting pot like no other country and New York City, where I live, like no other city. And the truth is that eating disorders look much like our population, affecting every socio-economic demographic -- young/old, female/male, wealthy/poor, heterosexual/gay, Christian/Jewish, African-American, Hispanic, Asian and, yes, Caucasian. The rate of occurrence is also particularly high among college students, athletes and gay men. There may be challenges that are unique to each demographic -- men and African-American women are less inclined to seek help, for example -- but bottom line is that an eating disorder is a life-threatening illness no matter who you are.
Nationally, more than 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder. Four out of 10 Americans have either suffered or have known someone who has suffered from an eating disorder. [1]
I had no idea... that you can be too thin... that over-exercising can lead to an eating disorder... that 35 percent of "normal" dieters progress to pathological dieting and that, of those, 20-25 percent progress to full-blown eating disorders [2]... that an eating disorder can kill you or lead to permanent physical damage... that (I, my daughter, son, sister, brother, friend) had a problem.
Eating disorders happen behind closed doors. Signs are frequently overlooked (particularly among minorities), even by medical professionals... until the damage is undeniable. And even today there is often a reluctance to seek help, fearing that others might consider the disorder self-imposed. An eating disorder is a bio-psycho-social illness, not a lifestyle choice. We wouldn't judge someone with cancer or diabetes. Yet someone suffering from an eating disorder is sometimes criticized or dismissed.
But not much is going to change until we start a dialogue... until we love ourselves and strive to be healthy, not to achieve "ideal," unrealistic body images... until bullying is no longer a problem on our school campuses. As many as 65 percent of eating disorder sufferers cite the effects of size and weight bullying as the root of where their struggle began.
According to the National Eating Disorders Association, research and program outcomes show that education and outreach lead to more people recognizing the problem and seeking help. Get the conversation started now in your family, your schools and your community.
Let's all come together to model acceptance and celebration of diversity in body shapes and sizes. And if you are concerned for yourself, a friend or family member, you can take a free, anonymous online screening for eating disorders at MyBodyScreening.org. And find more information at MyNeda.org.
I had no idea... that freedom from an eating disorder was possible. But I am living proof.
If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

NEDA Awareness Week 2014

February 23-March 1 2014 is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and I am going to do everything I can to use the materials http://nedawareness.org/ provides to spread the word about the seriousness of eating disorders. Get involved and make a difference!

 

The Biggest Loser's Controversial Finale

I couldn't help but see all the news stories focused around the controversial finale of the most recent season of The Biggest Loser. The finale that named Rachel Frederickson the winner of this season has created some major waves among radio and television media. Many are blaming the show's producers and others blame Rachel herself for the frail and extremely unhealthy frame that was revealed during the show. Her frame left even her trainers speechless and their faces of shock clearly show that even they believe there's a problem.

I haven't put a link on here to the story because I don't want you as my readers getting distracted by the story and the numbers they throw around in the articles concerning her pre-show and post-show weight. However, I couldn't sit back and not comment on this. First of all, I want to say how pleased I am to see that the media IS making such a big deal out of this. I am so glad that viewers made such an impact on all forms of social media after seeing the finale that it caught the attention of some of the biggest news sources out there and offered the opportunity for them to voice their opinion. Which to my surprise, is showing deep concern for Rachel and her unhealthy weight, some even rightfully so calling her anorexic.

Second of all, concerning Rachel, my heart broke as I watched the reveal video and saw her frail frame, barely standing on the scale and her gaunt and malnourished face saying the words "I now know I can move forward in my life and know that I can take control and do anything I want." When I heard her say those words, I knew it was true. This woman who used to place herself in hiding because of her excessive weight, had turned to the opposite extreme and had gotten caught in the trap that ED laid out for her, the trap of control. Those of you who have had an eating disorder know exactly what I mean when I say that the element of control in an eating disorder is at the heart of so many body image issues. I know for me, it was one of the only senses of control I felt that I had over my life. The ironic part is, I thought I had so much control over my body but in reality, it wasn't me, it was my disease that was running my life and deciding my every single move; leaving me with no control at all. The eating disorder creates the illusion that you gain control but in reality, you lose it.
Seeing this story from the perspective of someone who has been in recovery for years now, I empathize with Rachel because I have been in her shoes before but I also see the road to destruction that she's headed down and I can't help but want to scoop her up and rescue her.

One of the toughest things for me now is seeing people struggling with eating disorders and wanting to throw that rescue rope out to them as they're drowning but knowing that unless they want it, unless they truly desire recovery, I can do absolutely nothing for them. It's such a helpless feeling that leaves me on my knees praying that they would realize the trap that's laid before them.

I am writing these words to you, my friends, if you feel like you're in that trap right now but are too scared to grab onto that rescue rope, JUST DO IT.  I did and it literally saved my life. There's so many resources out there that will help you on your road to recovery. One of the greatest resources out there, in my opinion is http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ This site has the help and support that can get you into recovery programs and set up with the right doctors who can help you. Don't allow ED to ruin your life even one more moment, reach out for help now!

xoxo,
Bre

You are Worth Recovery

NEDA posted this today on their Facebook page and I had to share. Demi Lovato has always been very open with her story of her struggles with self harm and eating disorder behaviors. Thankfully, because she chose to face ED head on, she is living a life of recovery today. I think this quote is so powerful because I remember feeling the same way. Once you overcome that hurdle and realize you are truly a treasure and loved, that's when the healing can begin. You ARE worth recovery. 

American Eagle's Aerie Brand Reveals Real Beauty

I have been seeing these posts all over my Facebook newsfeed this week about this new Aerie Ad campaign that features un-touched/un-Photoshopped models. So, I couldn't help but Google it this weekend and share it. I love seeing positive changes like this in the fashion world and will be thinking twice now before buying VS when I could be supporting a company like Aerie who makes a stand like this! Check out this great article and be sure to watch the movie too clip too. Remember, you are beautiful just the way you are!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2541364/American-Eagle-ditches-Photoshop-new-non-airbrushed-lingerie-campaign-celebrates-REAL-beauty-blemishes-all.html

My Response to the Recent Viral Article "5 Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder"

It has been months since I have posted but with all the recent talk over the article published last week "5 Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder" I couldn't help but write about the post and the responses. If you haven't heard or read about it I have linked it below. The title alone makes me cringe and the content, literally makes me sick. I am posting a link, not because I want to drive more attention to his site but because I think it's important that we understand the misconception that individuals have about eating disorders and why now, more than ever, we  need to make a stronger stand to bring to light the lies that are perceived about those with eating disorders. Here is the disgusting and ignorant article that has now gone viral and received feedback from world news sources...5 Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder

The response to this article has included outrage from bloggers, social media enthusiasts and media news sources. One that I appreciate the most though is this response from the Huffington Post. In the midst of the disgust I feel towards the original article, I feel a sense of pride that news sources and those within leadership positions in this country have made a stand, lashing back at this blogger with a defense for those struggling with eating disorders. Kudos to every single author that read the article and in response, posted to better educate the public about the TRUTH of eating disorders and the struggle millions face each day. If anything good came out of this whole scenario, it was that the world is now better educated about the seriousness of eating disorders. I am focusing more on the response in this article because I don't even want to re-read the vulgarity included in the original post, rather, I choose to reflect on the good that has come out of something so evil.
I now want to share what a writer wrote in response to the post that the National Eating Disorder Awareness website published a few days ago. This response is from a real man who knows the truth behind the lies that are perceived and shares incredible wisdom and shows his immense love for his girlfriend. Please read the following and be encouraged that there are good people in this world...

1. They’re just like you.

Despite the stigmas that surround eating disorders, people with them are just like people without them.  They have jobs and families; they go to school and have friends and hobbies, dreams and aspirations.  They’re just like you and me.  And not only that, eating disorders do not affect only women – they affect men, too, and people of all races and socioeconomic statuses.  My time dating a girl with an eating disorder has helped me learn how to handle my own problems with depression and anxiety and gain a deeper understanding of just how much we each have in common with one another.   It may come through shared empathy and coming to the realization that we all have demons we need to face down,  or it may come in the simple form of realizing one of your closest friends or family members has an eating disorder – the same people you watch movies with, party with, talk with, and love – those are the people affected by eating disorders.

2. They’re brave.  Unbelievably brave and they can teach you things you never thought possible. 

My girlfriend has achieved impressive academic, personal and professional success while struggling with her eating disorder. In the midst of these achievements, she was hospitalized several times and bravely went through rehabilitation.  I personally never knew someone could be so absolutely courageous.  Before I met her, I thought I was more or less doomed to a life of depression and that I had no real way out of it. I quickly learned through my girlfriend the true meaning of being brave.  Bravery is staring down your problems, accepting them, coming to terms with them, and addressing them.  Whether it’s through personal behavior modification along with a therapist, psychiatrist, or with a network of others who are afflicted.   She still struggles from time to time with her eating disorder. We all have our own struggles and I still have mine too, and what she has taught me is that problems can only be solved when they are understood.  “Shrugging them off” or being “tough” doesn’t solve anything.

3. She likes to cook (and so do I).

Along the way in fighting her eating disorder, my girlfriend and I have both learned to grown fond of cooking and eating mindfully because well… after all, eating is necessary for living but it is also central to eating disorders.  Through discussing her struggles with bulimia nervosa and how it makes her feel psychologically, I came to the realization of just how important being healthy is.  When you don’t eat or you don’t eat healthy, you feel tired and anxious, weak, and a myriad of other unpleasantries.  When you eat mindfully, you have more energy, your hormones stay in balance and overall you feel healthy. Because of her, I recognized my own ability to cook and we got into cooking together which has become one of our favorite, most relaxing, and most useful skills.  Nutrition is important and I would have never taken such an in-depth look into it if it weren’t for my girlfriend.

4. I’ve learned that the media and reality are very different things.

Movies, television, video games, and advertisements – they all make use of buff, slim, shiny bodies, both male and female.  Sure, I work out, I eat pretty well but I don’t have visible abs or massively cut pythons for biceps.  And I’m not saying there’s a problem if you do – fitness in moderation is healthy.  Seeing images on the screen or on billboards that make you think your body isn’t “good enough” isn’t healthy and it also isn’t reality.  The reality is, people come in different shapes and sizes and peoples’ thoughts and actions mean much more than their physical appearance.  It goes without saying that what we see on television is rarely ever reality anymore but by dating a girl like my girlfriend, I have learned firsthand just how important it is to realize that the media is not reality and to accept our inner beauty.

5.  It doesn’t define her. 

The reasons you should date someone who has or has overcome an eating disorder are the same reasons you should date anyone else.  Because you love them, because they’re fun, they share your interests, values, common beliefs – anything.  There is no reason you shouldn’t date someone with an eating disorder and just because they have one doesn’t mean it defines them.  If someone asked me to describe my girlfriend, I’d mention her intelligence, her love of biking, helping people, learning, hockey, and her sense of humor and all the love and understanding she has shown me.  Her eating disorder wouldn’t be on the list because it isn’t what defines her and it isn’t what defines anyone.

JAG Modeling Agency Makes a Stand

This morning while eating my breakfast, I was watching Good Morning America and could not believe my ears when I heard that there's a new modeling agency that photographs models of sizes outside the societal "norm" of 0-2. The agency is working to promote true beauty in the forms of all sizes, including those who wear sizes 10 as well as the sizes in between. The modeling agency is called JAG. 

Here's a quote from the article featuring JAG in the Huffington Post: "The first agency of its kind in New York City, Jag's agenda is to expand plus-size models' work in the industry. Founded by Gary Dakin and Jaclyn Sarka, formerly of Ford Models' recently axed plus division, the new operation angles to promote a range of different body types -- even those that fall in the tricky area between the two labels. As Dakin tells Fashionista, "The goal is putting girls of all sizes on the covers of magazines, in advertising, and not stopping."

To read the entire article and view the video click here! 

Kuddos to the JAG team for standing strong to support REAL beauty! 

Model Jennie Runk is one of the leading models at JAG and also serves as the face of H&M's summer swimwear line. 

Bridal "Duties"

After being engaged nearly 4 months now, it seems like within these past 4 months at least a dozen other friends of mine have gotten engaged as well! While becoming a soon-to-be-bride is one of the most exciting times in a girl’s life, I have found that the title also brings a lot of pressure.

I wanted to write this blog post to try and encourage my fellow bride friends who have ever struggled with an eating disorder but it’s also a time for me to journal about my frustrations with the assumptions society today places on soon-to-be-brides.

Ever since the night I got engaged I have continued collecting stacks upon stacks of bridal magazines seeking all I may need to know about wedding day prep and how to make my dream day “perfect.” As I flip through these magazines I seem to find a common trend which is really disturbing to me. The headlines on almost every other page are titled things such as “Time to Get Gorgeous”, “Create that Perfect Wedding Day Glow”, “Glisten Up”, “Shine Your Hair,” etc. Essentially, according to all these magazines, when it comes to being a bride being BEAUTIFUL is a prerequisite. I have just highlighted a few of the beauty headlines that flood the magazines, however, the most attention  is placed on getting that wedding day/honeymoon body  that also seems to be an assumed “must” if you plan on walking down the aisle and being socially accepted.

As a girl with a history of anorexia, when I first started reading these articles, I was honestly a bit deceived thinking I need to know and do this stuff since I am a bride after all but as time has gone on, I've seen how much of an impact these articles have made on me and my image of myself. Article after article left me feeling inadequate. I didn't like the path I was headed down since reading these articles and felt like my eating disorder past was coming back to haunt me.  If the articles weren't bad enough almost every person that comes up to me to congratulate me on being a bride leads into “So, what’s your wedding exercise program looking like??” or “You better get bikini ready for the honeymoon!”

After talking with my fiancé about this as well as my parents, I set up an appointment with my doctor just to touch base and seek some encouragement. As always, he reassured me, saying that on my wedding day I need to be nothing but myself and to make sure I don’t alter myself for society’s distorted “norm.” After seeking out my support team’s help and really thinking through things, I feel so much better now and realize that while it’s good to learn healthy bridal beauty tips to make me feel my best on my special day, it should not be running my thought process.

I’m not saying to boycott bridal magazines by any means; I’m just saying while flipping through the magazines, use a filter and be discretionary about what you believe as truth. As individuals with an eating disorder past, it’s easy to slip back into the “comfort” zone we once knew, which runs creepily parallel to the status quo the media has set up today. 

NEDAwareness Week 2013

This week (February 24-March 2) is National Eating Disorder Awareness week and I want to do whatever I can to reach out to those hurting and lost in their eating disorder. I've been there, I've felt the hurt, I've cried tears of despair and here I am, by the grace of God, rising above the odds, as I daily choose recovery. Please join in and create awareness, you could save someone's life.
Here's a link to NEDA and their social media campaign that they have created for this week. GET INVOLVED! http://nedawareness.org/123Challenge

These are just a few statistics and they are heart breaking.

Article my Best Friend Wrote

As I mentioned before, my best friend decided to write an article about my recovery, for one of her college writing classes. It can be seen below. I am beyond thankful for her shared passion to share the good news of recovery with others and for her unending support and love for me. I love you,Court.  

This is what you would find in Bre Page’s dresser drawers:

Nine pairs of jeans and 24 shirts, all from Express.

Enough Conair straighteners to supply an army of Victoria’s Secret angels.

A shoebox filled to the brim with jewelry from Swarovski and Michael Kors.

Two bins of Sephora makeup.

Prozac, citracal calcium, D-3 – bottles of them - and daily vitamins for her anxiety, osteoporosis and vitamin deficiencies that stemmed from her eating disorder.

One beat up, highlighted and note-filled King James Bible.

            In 2010, Page was faced with a decision that 24 million other Americans are burdened with, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. She could continue hiding her ED from her family and friends for just a little longer. This way she could start her first semester as a junior at her dream college, pursuing her dream career in communications and marketing.  On the other hand, she could confront her problem. Stop hiding it from her parents and the ones she loved most. She could take the semester off and heal her body and her heart. She could give up on her battle for physical perfection and save her own life.

            That August, Page was confronted with her golden opportunity to find help. Because of the great divide that anorexia inflicted in her family, Page’s parents set up a family therapy session. They were completely unaware of her eating disorder and were hoping to get to the root of the problems they were all facing. The first time they met with the therapist, he interviewed them and asked Page if she had an eating disorder.

“I imagine he came to this conclusion because I had all the signs. However, my parents didn’t know what these signs were at the time. I remember taking a deep breath and turning to the therapist and my parents and saying ‘Yes, I do have an eating disorder, and I want help.’”

That August, Page began three months of intense treatment at the Healing Connection, a rehabilitation center in Rochester. Anorexia had so greatly destroyed both her physical and mental being, making her recovery here “like a living hell.”

The main facility is small. The walls are painted red as a means to induce the feeling of hunger, with a whiteboard ornamenting one of the walls. The hard-backed chairs sit in a circle in the middle of the room. The floor is covered in rough, old carpeting that had seen better days, much like the patients that have worn it down.

This main area leads into another portion of the room – about the size of a typical middle-income family room - where there sits a wooden kitchen table that seated 8.

Patients were isolated to this room most of the time, unless they were in art therapy or meeting personally with their therapist. The room always smelled of the Progresso soup cooking in the attached kitchen.

Food was served on colored trays with the entire food intake for that meal placed on the top. In addition, a typical meal for me would often consist of a big bowl of disgusting soup; a main dish of chicken, beef, or fish; a vegetable; yogurt; a Pop Tart; a grain side - rice or pasta- with a butter shot; and some kind of dessert. They would always give them their fear foods for a snack in the afternoons, such as chips and dip, apple pie, Jello with whipped cream, or in Page’s case, ice cream.

Three drinks were placed next to the tray. Page was never allowed to drink just water; she always had at least two juices and milk.

Patients were monitored by therapists for the entire duration of the meal, which was never longer than 45 minutes. If Page could not complete her meal in time, she received points against her which prolonged her time in rehab – an occurrence that happened often. She also could not place her hands down by their sides or under the table because they would assume she was hiding or dropping food instead of eating it.

The patients would play games or sing songs at the table to distract them from the eating process. Many times, Page only left a few minutes towards the end of her eating period to eat the majority of her food. The other girls at the table would cheer her on, motivating her to finish everything on her plate.

“Forty-five minutes may seem like a ton of time to eat, but I usually would take about 2 hours to eat a meal that size because I would drag it out and eventually distract others enough that I could just throw it out and not eat it. My stomach had shrunk so much because of this that consuming all this food at one time literally caused me such abdominal pain that I’d be keeled over crying after every meal.” 

While she was feeling sick and “wanted to die,” she would be forced to sit in the hard-backed chairs after every meal. Patients would go around the room talking about how each person felt about that meal. It was always worse when Page did not complete her food in time, becoming “a wreck thinking how I’d never make it out.”

Fortunately, Page did not have to face her battle alone. She was surrounded by several other girls going through the same mental and physical war that was necessary in order to overcome an eating disorder. These girls inspired her to keep fighting.

“There is something about our bond that people who have not been through rehab wouldn’t understand. We were there for each other during our darkest moments. We cried on each other’s shoulders. We lifted each other up and helped to push through each day and each meal. I know that we will forever share this bond and will always be there for one another.”

They were not the only ones who helped her to overcome her greatest fight. While Page started to find herself again and feel more like a human being, rather than “the robot [her] eating disorder had transformed me into,” she also began to mend the bond with God that anorexia had so selfishly torn apart.

“During my ED, I felt extremely far from God. It was like a wall that stood between us. My ED had blocked my vision of who I am in Christ and who He made me. As I began recovery, I started regaining my vision of my purpose in life and His love for me become more evident than ever. I see now that He truly did raise me up from my deathbed and saved my life, because He loves me so much.”

There is not a moment that goes by that this renewed faith does not shine like the sun. Every morning when she wakes up, Page begins to have conversations with God as if he is an old friend, not some invisible entity in some far off land. Before every meal, she gives thanks to Him and expresses her love and gratitude not just for the meal she is about to eat, but also for the loved ones she is fortunate enough to be sharing it with.

“I don’t have the type of relationship with God where I just pray to him when I want or need something, but rather every single day I wake up and talk to him throughout the day. He is my best friend. I know it seems weird because He isn’t here in earthly form, but he lives in my heart. Through seeking Him about all areas of my life, I have a clearer sense of direction. I am overwhelmed everyday by His love for me and wish to share that love with others.”

It is this same love and persistence that has reshaped her career and life goals. She still studies communication and rhetoric at Nazareth College and still plans to work with media, but with a renewed purpose.

 “I want to help others. I want to change the status quo that the media portrays concerning body image. I want to encourage girls that they don’t need to change their body to fit society’s expectations. Instead, they need to change society’s expectations to fit their bodies.”

 While searching for a job post-college at an advertising firm, Page also plans to write a book about her experiences. She hopes to travel around the country helping girls who are in the same position she was in just two years ago, and offer them hope.

“I want them to know that in order to get through this, they need to turn to God because He is the ultimate healer. Everything else in this world is a temporary healer but he is the only one who heals the deepest wounds of the heart through his incredible love.”

It is a cold December evening. Page walks slowly into her dim-lit bedroom, swapping her blouse and dress pants from Saks Fifth Avenue with an old 5k marathon shirt and Forever 21 boxers. She sits down on her queen-sized bed, encompassed in pillows and stuffed animals from her long distance boyfriend. Her iPhone lights up with a new text message from her best friend. She ignores it.

She opens her 2007 HP laptop and opens her internet browser to her blog entitled “Hope Renewed: Surviving an Eating Disorder.”

She begins writing a new entry. This is not the average, lengthy blog post about an encounter with a rude nurse, heartbreak over a friend with a newly uncovered eating disorder, or celebration about her boyfriend’s anticipated proposal. It is not an academic piece from a communications class about the media’s portrayal of beauty.

It is three lines long –the shortest post of her entire blog.

"Replace perfectionism with persistence. After all, in recovery and life, it's persistence that really pays off. Forget about perfection."

Stay Tuned!

One of my best friend's is in the process of writing a paper about my recovery from the beginning until currently. Please stay tuned, once it's completed I will post it here! <3

This is the Bible verse that God kept giving me as I fought for my life through rehab. He truly has saved my life and heals me more each day.

You are Beautiful

You are made for more than a number on the scale. You were made to stand out for YOU not as a clone of someone else. Don't let anyone tell you any differently.