I have copied over a speech that I gave to my Professional Communication class last week. The assignment was to speak about a life changing experience that I went through.
Today, I will be talking about a life changing experience that you may be able to relate to and that has taught me many important things. I will be sharing with you about my recovery from my eating disorder, a disease that affects both men and women today. In the spring of 2010, I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. Anorexia is a life threatening disease that is characterized by mental distortion of self image, which leads to induced starvation, excessive exercise and drastic weight loss. In early June, I began family counseling with my parents to work through various issues that we were having. Through this, I revealed my eating disorder of three years to them and I finally recognized that I had a problem and needed help. This is where it all began. After I brought myself to accept the fact that I was dying slowly after years of malnutrition and hitting a rock bottom weight of 104 pounds, I was finally able to make that phone call that would change my life. I contacted one of the best eating disorder doctors in the nation, who happens to practice out of Strong Hospital. I still remember vividly all the emotions I was feeling the day of my first appointment. I sat there, waiting in the room, shaking, as tears trickled down my face and thoughts raced through my mind. I knew this was the beginning of letting go. I’d have to let go of the one thing that I had control over the past 3 years of my life: my eating disorder. The door quickly opened as the doctor stepped in and I wiped the tears from my cheeks, not wanting him to see my weakness. I had walls up but by the end of my first meeting with him I was slowly tearing them down. I was surprised as he related to everything I was saying and could practically finish my sentences as I tried to explain my feelings to him. Because eating disorders are a disease, my symptoms and feelings were nothing new under the sun to him. Individuals with eating disorders strangely share many similarities. I left the appointment overwhelmed but also flooded with relief. From this point forward, I worked with my doctor and a nutritionist, starting by simply adding food back into my daily life again. It was a slow process but I was starting to form a passion for recovery, which was the key to my success. After months of implementing my new meal plan while continuing on with my life, working hard, barely sleeping, and eating to the point of ‘just getting by’, I realized I needed a higher level of care. The challenge was, it was August and I was all registered to start classes here at Nazareth the following month, entering as a junior. I had a decision to make-one that I view as the hardest I have ever made. Did I continue on, barely getting by and killing myself slowly so that I could enter college that fall and stay on track with my schedule or should I focus on becoming healthy and beginning a rehabilitation program that would get me on the right track for the long run, not just short term? I did end up taking last semester off and on August 26th, 2010, I admitted myself into a local eating disorder partial hospitalization program where I began my 3 month venture towards recovery. My doctor was standing beside me every step of the way. Before I left his office for rehabilitation he drew me a picture of a mountain and made a mark at the bottom and said, “You’re right here and you need to get to the top, to get there you will go through hell, the worst experiences you have ever had in your life but once you reach the top of the mountain the view will be worth every bit you went through.” At the rehabilitation program, I went everyday at eleven in the morning until six thirty at night. I was able to go home at night. All of my meals were eaten within the program and every morning I was weighed in. The treatment team at the center consisting of doctors, primary therapists, psychologists, art therapists, dance therapists, and yoga instructors first worked with me on the re-feeding process. You see, when you have an eating disorder it effects you not only physically but mentally as well. The lack of food in my body caused me to not be able to think properly, so they fed us multiple times a day, sometimes with the most unappetizing food choices. Meals were timed and after 3 incomplete meals, you were given a warning and if you didn’t complete after that you were recommended for a higher level of care. After about a month, I had finally started gaining weight. How much, I don’t know. I haven’t seen a scale or known my weight since the day I walked into the doctor’s office for that first appointment. You see, the number on the scale used to determine for me whether or not I would eat that day. If I didn’t like the number, I wouldn’t eat. It would not be advantageous for me to even touch a scale now; it would only hinder my recovery. The next part of recovery was mental and emotional healing. We worked in a group setting and participated in the various therapies I mentioned above, but also had daily sessions discussing body image, adopting new thought processes, meal planning and nutrition, and many other means of overcoming our eating disorders. On a positive note, I look back and know that attending the rehabilitation program was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I see now how it sought to kill me, and I thank God everyday for giving me the grace to fight it. When my doctor drew that mountain, he wasn’t kidding. Recovery is the hardest thing I have ever done but as I approach the top of the mountain, the view is becoming clearer everyday and let me tell you, it’s a beautiful view.
