What Can I Do to Help Them?

It has been a while since I have written but tonight I made it a point to turn off the TV and distractions and sit down snuggled with my blanket and pumpkin spice candle and write about a topic that has been heavy on my heart for some time now. 

So many of us have been there...that day when you realize someone close to you is sick with an eating disorder. Maybe you've noticed drastic weight loss or a change in personality, maybe they've become withdrawn and depressed or maybe you notice they avoid food at all costs. No matter what the situation, we're left with the burning question of, "What Can I Do to Help Them?" This is a question I have gotten a lot from many of my friends and when asked this question once again last month, I came to the realization that no matter how I tried to craft a response, the truth is, I'm not really sure what to tell them. You see, when I accepted the fact that I had an eating disorder, I went to my family therapist and family members and actively sought out help and therefore, I wasn't really sure how to respond to the burning question mentioned above. So, in search of answers, I reached out to my faithful doctor and asked for some wisdom. I want to share his response with you because I know it helped me to  grasp a better understanding of what I can do to help my friends who are hurting. 

1.)  Do not approach someone with an eating disorder with anger.  When you approach him/her with anger, the person immediately closes down and feels like you're rejecting them and/or putting them down. The eating disorder does enough of this, they need encouragement most of all. 

2.) Approach the person with the goal not to change him/her—but instead, let him/her know that you care about them, and that you have noticed a change in them. Be very concrete on what you've noticed (ie: getting thinner, not going out with friends to eat, excessive exercise,etc.). Do not approach them with the phrase, “I think you have an eating disorder”. Making such assumptions will only cause one to become defensive- especially because at this point, he/she will do whatever it takes to defend their eating disorder behaviors, even if they won't admit that they are sick. 

3.) Expect an angry response.  This is where unconditional love comes into play. The individual's angry response is due to the distortion that the eating disorder has created in his/her brain. The eating disorder causes the individual to respond defensively and to push you away in an effort to continue to control his/her thinking and actions.  The best thing you can do is show that their response does not make you care any less about him/her. Your persistence means the world to them deep down. 

4.) Do 90% more listening than talking.  A lot of times, someone wants a listening ear and compassion more than anything. Your actions should be non-judgmental, warm, empathetic, loving, caring, and accepting-like Jesus :)Don't give up, you're making a difference just by showing that you care. 

I have been in a place before when my eating disorder consumed me and controlled my every thought and action, and in the midst of that hell, it was the people around me that never gave up on me, and never stopped loving me that pushed me more passionately toward recovery. 

Please don't give up. 

Love, 
Bre