Thanksgiving Reflection

As I reflect over the past week, I think through the time spent with my family and friends during Thanksgiving break. I truly think that for a person in recovery this is the most difficult holiday. To others Thanksgiving represents a time of gathering, feasting, and is something some look forward to all year. For someone in recovery the holiday represents everything that the ED tells them to go against such as, eating and connection with family and friends. For me, even a year of recovery under my belt, Thanksgiving becomes an internal battle, as the table is being set, the aroma of delicious food fills the house, and family arrives, my heart begins to race and thoughts flood my mind, "They're all going to be watching to see if I'm eating enough", "If only they knew how hard it is for me to eat this many fear foods at once", "If I say I don't want seconds, they're going to assume I still have my eating disorder", "What happens when I have to go to the bathroom after dinner, are they going to assume something else?". Obviously, these thoughts are planted by the eating disorder and need to be recognized and dealt with. How does one deal with this internal battle? I overcome mine with prayer, making sure I have solid communication,pacing myself as I eat my fear foods, reminding myself of how far I have come and at all costs avoiding the mirror that day. This Thanksgiving my family and I got into a fight, this did not help the situation any. I already felt huge, exhausted, and torn and then to be fighting with those I was trying to communicate with was very frustrating. Something I have learned through this all though, is regardless of circumstances you have to remain true to yourself and make sure you don't fall captive to the old way of thinking while engulfed by the eating disorder. In the end, YOU have to fight for your recovery, nobody can do it for you. The Lord has helped me as I fight for mine, who will you turn to as you fight for yours?

The Little Things

Recently I have been seeing post it notes around my campus saying things like , "You're beautiful", "Be YOU", and other positive sayings. These have caught my eye as I race past on my way to class and have offered a beacon of hope in this world saturated with messages that bombard us on a daily basis saying things such as, "You can never be too thin." The media has created a feeding ground for those with eating disorders and even a simple act such as placing a post it note on the wall in the hallway of your school could change someones day and maybe even someones life. Last year my school took part in a campus wide event where a group of about 30 students gathered together and with mirror markers and post it notes covered our entire school, every bathroom and every hall way with positive messages about body image. I remember the positive feedback received from the movement and when I saw the post it notes this semester again I was reminded that it's the little things that can make a huge difference. Whether it be lending a listening ear or even just posting a simple note you could be saving a life. Don't forget to reach out to those around you. You CAN help change the world today.

I found this advertisement online which is advertising a contact that helps individuals with eating disorders. The advertisement caught my attention because the message it is sending is so true. Often times individuals judge those with eating disorders saying, "You're so skinny, why can't you just see it?" The factor that they seem to forget, however, is that eating disorders are mental illnesses, they send negative and false messages to the person viewing themselves. I remember weighing my lowest weight but when I looked in the mirror all I saw was fat. It was interesting because the only difference day to day that I recognized is where the "fat" I saw clearly was positioned. Some days I would feel as if my legs were big while the next I thought my face was big and chubby. The mirror is an individual with an eating disorder's worst enemy. The mirror deceives and allows the brain to send wrong messages eventually leading to eating disorder behaviors becoming worse. When I saw my eating disorder doctor for the first time he gave me a string and he had me measure out how large I believed my waste line to be. He then took the string and placed it around me, it resulted in excessive additional string. I had perceived my waste line as being 2 times bigger than it actually was. This just goes to show how much the eating disorder distorts one's image of themselves. The next time you go to look in the mirror, consider the fact that the eating disorder is screaming lies at you the whole time and that you're probably only half the size of what you believe you are.