Thanksgiving Reflection

As I reflect over the past week, I think through the time spent with my family and friends during Thanksgiving break. I truly think that for a person in recovery this is the most difficult holiday. To others Thanksgiving represents a time of gathering, feasting, and is something some look forward to all year. For someone in recovery the holiday represents everything that the ED tells them to go against such as, eating and connection with family and friends. For me, even a year of recovery under my belt, Thanksgiving becomes an internal battle, as the table is being set, the aroma of delicious food fills the house, and family arrives, my heart begins to race and thoughts flood my mind, "They're all going to be watching to see if I'm eating enough", "If only they knew how hard it is for me to eat this many fear foods at once", "If I say I don't want seconds, they're going to assume I still have my eating disorder", "What happens when I have to go to the bathroom after dinner, are they going to assume something else?". Obviously, these thoughts are planted by the eating disorder and need to be recognized and dealt with. How does one deal with this internal battle? I overcome mine with prayer, making sure I have solid communication,pacing myself as I eat my fear foods, reminding myself of how far I have come and at all costs avoiding the mirror that day. This Thanksgiving my family and I got into a fight, this did not help the situation any. I already felt huge, exhausted, and torn and then to be fighting with those I was trying to communicate with was very frustrating. Something I have learned through this all though, is regardless of circumstances you have to remain true to yourself and make sure you don't fall captive to the old way of thinking while engulfed by the eating disorder. In the end, YOU have to fight for your recovery, nobody can do it for you. The Lord has helped me as I fight for mine, who will you turn to as you fight for yours?