'Anna Rexia'

I was flipping through my school newspaper the other day when a title caught my eye, "Sexy 'Anna Rexia' Halloween Costume is in Poor Taste". There was also a photo featured of the latest most popular Halloween costume, a skinny girl featured in a short black dress adorned with bones and a measuring tape belt. The very sight made my heart melt. How could anyone ever make a Halloween costume representing one of the most deadly diseases affecting people today? As I continued to read the article I was pleasantly surprised to read that the writer was defending those who suffer from the disease and making a stand for the fact that making a costume out of a disease is not funny at all. The writer likened it to making a costume representing HIV/AIDS. This is so very true and proves a strong point, anorexia and/or any other eating disorder is not anything to be made into a joke. It's sad to me how society has become so numb to people's struggles with eating disorders. It's my hope that I stand strong as an advocate to stand up for those fighting this disease including myself. We are worth more than to be used as some "funny" costume.

The Lengths ED Takes You To

I was talking with a friend tonight on my way home from school and she was mentioning a special she was watching the other night on TV. She said that they were interviewing young models and they were saying that the way they stay thin is by eating toilet paper because it makes them feel full and also absorbs all of the fluid in their stomach to make them weigh less. Just the thought of that alone broke my heart, I remember before recovery being at a point in my life where I may have considered doing something like that just to weigh less. Now, however, the thought alone makes me sick as I think about the damage that action could do to someones body. The mind set that people are in when full boar in an eating disorder is so clouded, every action taken is pre-determined by the internal voice of the eating disorder. When I hear stories like this, it breaks my heart and I wish I could help those struggling all around the world turn their lives around and run far away from ED. Society today has made so many eating disorder behaviors seem "normal" and they are so socially acceptable but yet are literally killing people across the world. This serves as a motivator as well for me personally to keep pressing on in my recovery and never go back to those dark days filled with clouded choices.

One Year

One year ago tomorrow, I graduated from The Healing Connection. This is marked forever in my heart as one of the best days of my life. I remember vividly, the tears streaming down my cheeks as I said my thank yous in the goodbye circle and as all those around me who love me and supported me through the hardest three months of my life cheered me on as I walked out those doors as a different person. I remember being scared to death but for the first time in my entire life I knew who I was, I knew what I was worth, and I knew what I deserved, this gave me a sense of such empowerment. As I reflect over this last year I am overwhelmed by how far I have come in my recovery and I know it is not by my own will alone that I am where I am today. It is because of the Lord, my parents, family,my therapists, doctors, nutritionist and my amazing friends that I am where I am today. I had my weekly doctor's appointment yesterday with Dr. Kreipe where he announced to me and my family that after reviewing my chart and weights and vitals over the past year, he is proud to announce me as "eating disorder free". Yes, the thoughts to restrict and "purge" through exercise are still there but over the past year, I have not brought any of those thoughts into action in my life. I have acknowledged the thoughts and have "thrown them out the window" as my therapists have encouraged me to do. I have been faced with many trials this year and even through all of the stress I have not lost sight of recovery and its place in my life. Recovery is a daily choice, I don't believe that one day someone who has a history of an eating disorder can just wake up and make an announcement that they are "healed", rather it is a daily choice, a daily commitment and as time goes on, that commitment grows even stronger and weeks turn to months and months to years. I am so very thankful for how far the Lord has brought me in my recovery and I hope and pray that my story inspires you to keep pressing on. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, the sky is the limit <3