What YOU Deserve

"Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve." I heard this quote this week for the first time and wished I had heard it years earlier. At first when I heard it I of course related it to my current relationships and was inspired to stand strong for the kind of guy I deserve but as I continued to read it, I started to understand it in a different light. I realized that this is true for my recovery too. Even though I may feel fat one day, I need to remember my body deserves nutrition to live and so restriction or any other eating disorder behavior is not an option. My body deserves the very best. God created me to be a reflection of His handwork, why would I want to tarnish that. Therefore, I chose to plaster this quote all over my house so I never forget my priorities of what I really deserve and that is to have a happy and healthy lifestyle.

Facebook

I have noticed lately that I have friends on Facebook that are probably not the best to have blowing up my newsfeed as I venture through recovery. I have accumulated these friends through various therapy groups and through rehab. It's great to have bonds with individuals that are going through recovery too but the only hindrance comes when they are not at the same place in their recovery as you. This isn't said in a pompous way but rather in an assertive way standing up for my own recovery. Among these friends are the ones that rotate daily posting status updates about how "fat" they are and how they refuse to eat for weeks after having one meal. Then there's those who post pictures of themselves and the caption is entitled "Finally fit back into my skinny jeans!" Gee, I wonder why you fit into those again, maybe because you had eating disorder behaviors recently. Last but not least there's the absolutely beautiful girl that claims she's in recovery but then posts that she's working out for the 5th time that day. These may seem like minor hiccups but in reality, they can make a huge impact on your recovery. For me, it makes me think about when I used to be able to fit into those jeans or worked out in a irrational manner. Triggers are something that we discussed in depth daily in rehab and for me, these photos and posts are absolute triggers and could send me potentially on a downward spiral. Join with me and make a stand for your own body and what you deserve.

Finding Your Identity

As I approach the one year anniversary of my graduation from rehab next month, I sit back and think about how far I have come and something that stands out the most to me, is my new found sense of identity. As time goes on, I am truly finding out who the real woman is within me, what I like and what I dislike, and my true values and beliefs. I see now how when I was consumed with my eating disorder, the joy of life that I was missing out on. I had disconnected from everyone and everything. It was just me, the gym, and my school text books. I am so much more than all of that. Life is a gift and should not be taken for granted. My eating disorder used to be my life, it was why I took my next breath, it designated what my daily schedule was and which food my hands touched. I am happy to say that now, I value my life more than ever and believe in living each day as if it's your last. I have re-established my relationships and friendships and am a stronger person than I ever was with my ED. Finding your identity is no easy task, I truly believe it just comes with time. It's been almost a year now and I'm finally starting to find myself. I also am examining who I want in my life and what things or people are a good influence on me. It's been a rough time of realization that some of the people closest to me are not the best influence. Moving away from them has helped me though to find my true identity. Out with the old, in with the new. I am looking at my life now with the glass half full and there seems to be a very bright light at the end of the tunnel ;)

The Media's Role Today

I just started back to college a few weeks ago. I am a communications major and as I sit in on my classes I can't help to notice the trend of the question asked so far by almost every teacher, "Do you feel that the media today impacts individuals body image?" Of course, I am the first one to raise my hand and advocate for girls such as myself that struggle with body image and have these messages bombarding us everyday from the media telling us to be thinner and prettier. This topic is now part of two of my main final papers. Why am I so interested in the media's role concerning body image? Because I am tired of being flooded with these messages and I imagine you are too. If I can do something to make a difference, I will. I believe where there's a will, there's a way. The other night I walked into the living room only to see the TV showing the Miss Universe pageant. Now, this is something I have watched every single year since I was a young child, wishing and hoping that someday I would be walking down that runway with the sparkle dress and shoes. As I saw the final five girls lined up, I saw my old self in them, unhealthy and unhappy. I then made the conscious choice to click the TV off and walk away. This was a huge step for me, last year I would have been glued to the TV trying to figure out a new plan to make my anorexia even more severe to get as "skinny and beautiful" as them. This is just an example of the media's impact on society today, I had already been hit with so many messages throughout the day concerning the "perfect body" and now I stand in my own living room watching skeletons parade up and down the runway. We live in a world saturated in critique of each individuals body and as someone in recovery, I know how hard it is to stand up against the flow. When my friends are eating carrots and ranch dressing for dinner because they feel "fat" I am pounding down a steak dinner, it seemed awkward at first but as long as I keep my head and heart focused on recovery, I can do this and so can you <3 It's time to start a new trend, one towards the advancement of healthy eating and healthy living, who's with me?